Horrific Honorifics

This entry isn't being written by Duncan. It's being written by Dan. Due to a mistake on my part, Dan is my new school name.

Allow me to explain. My name, when translated into katakana (the Japanese writing system for foreign words) comes out as Dankan. Plonking the standard polite Japanese honorific on the end makes it Dankan-san. San isn't the only honorific though- there are a few others, which I'll take you through.

Sama- A very very polite honorific only used with people of a higher social status than yourself. Quite like the English "sir" or "Ma'am" but more humble. It is most commonly heard in shops where customers are referred to as "Okyaku-sama" (Kyaku meaning customer, the O being yet another politeness indicator).
San- The Japanese Mr, Ms, Miss or Mrs. It makes no distinction between gender or marital status, which I can't see as anything but a good thing.
Kun- Used semi-affectionately when referring to a male of a lower or equal age/social standing to yourself. Its closest English equivalent is "master".
Chan- A term usually used for very young children, reasonably young girls and pets. Can also be used affectionately between close friends and family.

Got that? Good!

Now being the maverick that I am, when the teacher asked what I'd like to be called I told her'My name is "Dankan", but if you want you can call me "Dan-kun"' (see what I did there?). She wrote my name on the board as 'Dankun-san'.

The rest of the class, who had understood my joke, explained that I meant 'Kun' as in the honorific. With a nod of understanding, the teacher amended my name to 'Dunkun-kun'. Regretting that I'd said anything, I stared down at my textbook while my classmates explained to the teacher that my real name was 'Dankan' but that a possible nickname was 'Dan' with the 'kun' honorific. My name was changed three more times to 'Dankan-kun', back to 'Dankun-san' and finally, with a sigh of relief from all, to 'Dan-kun'. My teacher smiled at the joke and the matter was settled. At least, I thought the matter was settled.

We're taught by two people and today was the second teacher's turn. During registration she called out the name 'Dan-san'. Heads clunked against desks. Noone had the heart to go through the explaining process again, so on Tuesdays and Thursdays I am not Duncan, Dankan or even Dankun.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am Dan!